


burning through the clouds

by Kareh



Category: RWBY
Genre: Flashbacks, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Violence, Poor Blake has a lot of trauma, but its ok because she has friends and family who love her and she'll be ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 06:09:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17975921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kareh/pseuds/Kareh
Summary: The extent of Adam's abuse isn't revealed until months after his death, when Blake develops a fever on her way home to visit her parents in Menagerie with her team.





	burning through the clouds

**Author's Note:**

> Please read this! It will help to explain some stuff.
> 
> Ok so, the setting for this is kind of vague. Imagine that the gang have miraculously figured about the Salem situation, and so they have their first chance at a bit of rest after fighting and battling for months. Blake goes home to visit her parents in Menagerie, and her team come with her because they haven't been before, they didn’t really get to meet Blake’s parents at Haven because there was just too much happening and tension was high between them all and like, they just kinda wanna chill out and relax.  
> In this universe, the time between the bees showdown with Adam’s and figuring out the Salem thing is maybe a few months total? It’s all been go, and while things have been talked about – there hasn’t been any quality time to process or reflect. 
> 
> This fic stemmed from the idea that Blake wasn’t always the aloof, kind of gloomy and distant character that she first appears to be – that she was a happy child, who had lots of friends and strong moral code and set of beliefs (remind you of anyone else in Team RWBY..?). In my head, it was her relationship with Adam that changed her – and it lead to the version of Blake who, in the earlier volumes especially, was so reluctant to get close to her teammates and tried to keep herself apart from them – even though it was so apparent and obvious that she didn’t want to be. The glimpses we see of Blake’s goofiness and playfulness with her teammates are, in my opinion, clues to who Blake could have been, had the whole Adam stuff never happened. If Adam was around 23 at the start of the series (as I believe Barbara and Arryn once guessed, since it was never stated anywhere) and Blake was 17 then, to me, their age gap (amongst other things) is enough evidence to suggest that Blake was groomed, manipulated and essentially brainwashed by Adam. 
> 
> It wouldn’t be realistic for Blake to magically recover from everything and be ok and go back to that person just because Adam is dead. So I started to write something that I would like to see in the show – that is, evidence of lasting PTSD and trauma and Blake learning to handle that in a healthy way. By putting Blake back in the town where she grew up and where she was groomed by Adam, and taking out all end of the world distractions – there’s nothing for her to do but begin to process. And by giving her the flu for a portion of this fic – her body is basically like yo, all that trauma is still here btw, you might wanna deal with it? 
> 
> This fic was written over the course of several months, as it’s a sensitive subject for me. For that reason, nothing here (at least in my opinion, considering other things in this tag) is super graphic. Most of Adam’s abuse in this fic will be referenced or hinted at, rather than explicitly shown. But still, if this is a sensitive subject for you – then you may not want to read all of this in one go.  
> Please take breaks, okay? Go get get a cup of tea, get yourself a snack, cuddle with your fur babies or talk to a friend, okay? Please don't purposely make yourself read things that you trigger you, as a weird form of self-harm, ok? Keep yourself safe. <3

Blake wakes with a start, to the feeling of something cold on her forehead. She tries to swat it away but is unsuccessful. She opens her eyes with a groan – her head is pounding, as if someone is drilling a hole in her skull from the inside.

“Sorry, it’s just me,” Yang soothes, removing her hand from Blake’s forehead, “Are you feeling okay? You don’t look so good, and you feel kind of hot.”

“I’m fine,” Blake shuffles around, trying to get comfy, but it doesn’t really work, “You’re just cold.”

“That can’t be it,” Ruby chimes in, from across the room, “Yang is like a space heater.”

Suddenly there’s another cold hand on her forehead, and Blake wonders why she ever agreed to let her friends come with her to visit her parents in Menagerie. It’d taken them _forever_ to get this far and now they were finally on the last stretch of the journey – they had a small cabin on the ship to themselves, bunk beds on either side and a nice view of the ocean from the small window. Blake had certainly slept in worse places before, but that still didn’t mean that the hard, thin mattresses were comfortable.

 “Can we please stop touching my forehead?” Blake says - she definitely does not whine, because Blake does _not_ do that.

“I think you have a temperature,” Ruby says, immediately dropping her usual playfulness and adapting a more sympathetic attitude. “Why didn’t you say something?”

Blake pulls her blanket over her head, in attempt to shut everything out, “I’m fine.”

“Do we have any medicine?” Yang asks, opting to ignore Blake’s protests. The bed dips down as Yang sits down on the bed, and Blake moves her legs to make room for her. Yang’s fingers brush across her leg as she moves Blake’s blanket to cover her up better.

“Someone on this ship must have something,” Weiss says, “Ruby, let’s go.”

Ruby gets to her feet, although she’s frowning, “Why do we both have to go?”

Weiss opens the door, and begins to usher Ruby out, “Because, I think Blake will kill us all if we keep talking.”

“I don’t need anything,” Blake protests, but the door to their cabin slams shut behind them. Blake winces at the sound, dropping the blanket from her hands to rub at her sore head. Yang reaches out to rub Blake’s back in sympathy, her thumb ghosting over a scar.  
If Blake leans into the touch, then it’s definitely because she’s already asleep and not for any _other_ reason.

 

* * *

 

 

_She was young when she met Adam. She mistook his spite and vengeance as justice and passion. He spoke of equality; and Blake, unaware of the costs, had admired that. Adam was older than her; rapidly climbing up ranks in the White Fang and with a good reputation in Menagerie. In him, she saw bravery and fairness - everything that she wanted to be.  She couldn’t believe that someone like him – attractive and popular – would ever look at her in the way that he did. He had been impressed with her dedication; offering her extra training and eventually, she had a place by his side. She had no idea what she was getting into._

 

* * *

 

Blake dozes on and off, stirring from her sleep every so often as her teammates chatter. They do a pretty good job at keeping the noise down overall, so she doesn’t complain. At some point, Yang moved from Blake’s bed to sit on the floor between the bunk beds.

“I can’t wait to get off this boat,” Weiss grumbles, at some point, as she eyes a hair that she picked off her skirt with suspicion.

“I can’t wait to eat all the food,” Ruby responds, and Blake can practically hear the grin.

“How can you still think about food? You ate so much at breakfast!”

“It shouldn’t be too much longer now,” Yang interrupts, before Weiss and Ruby can start bickering. “I hope Blake’s house isn’t far from where we dock. She’s been out all day; we might need to carry her.”

“It’s up a big hill,” Blake croaks, forcing herself to open her eyes again. She winces at the sunlight coming into the cabin. She forces herself to sit upright, wincing at the pain in her back. She looks out of the window, to see if there’s anything that would clue her into how long is left – before she remembers that they’re at sea and there’s nothing to look at.

“Then it’s probably a good thing that I have a metal arm,” Yang sends her a wink, which Blake chooses not to read into.

“We should be there at sunset,” Blake resigns, as she rests her head in her hands and rubs at her temples, as if that will cure her headache. When it doesn’t, all of the energy that she used to sit up seems to vanish, and she all but throws herself back onto the disappointing hard and uncomfortable bed with a groan.

“That was the single most dramatic thing I’ve ever witnessed,” Ruby notes, almost sounding impressed. “And I’m friends with Weiss – hey!” There’s an audible thump as Weiss’ pillow collides with Ruby’s face.

“Blake?” Yang touches her shoulder, causing Blake to jump, “Ruby and Weiss found some medicine, maybe you should take some before you fall asleep again?”

Blake shuffles out of Yang’s touch and pulls her legs up to her chest, already feeling herself start to drift off, “I don’t need it.”

* * *

 

_She doesn’t remember the first time that he’d hit her. Or at least, she doesn’t remember the circumstances around it. She doesn’t remember what lesson he was trying to teach her. Whatever it was that she had did wrong to deserve it; she just remembers the moment his palm collided with her face, and the shock of it all._

_Afterwards, he acted so normal that Blake wondered if she’d dreamt it. All she could think about was the sting of her cheek as he kissed all over her face and whispered in her ear that he loved her._

_When she got home, all she wanted to do was to tell her mom, but she couldn’t figure out how to say it._

_Adam hit me. Mom, what should I do? He hit me, and I don’t understand why._

 

* * *

 

It hasn’t been that long since she was last home, but it feels like forever. Blake finds herself looking for signs of the fire, for the damage that she caused the last time she was home – but it’s obvious her parents have redecorated.

“Oh, Blake! You’re home!” Her mother appears from behind the door, ushering her inside as she calls, “Ghira, Blake’s here! And she’s brought friends!”

“This place is amazing!” Blake hears Ruby exclaim from behind her.

“It’s beautiful,” Weiss agrees.

“I hope it’s okay that we’re all here,” Yang turns to Blake’s mother, sounding uncharacteristically shy.

“Of course!” Kali insists on greeting all of her teammates with a hug, “We’re so glad to meet you all properly.”

“The more the merrier!” Ghira agrees, as he emerges from his study.

Kali turns to Blake once she’s finished greeting her friends, she reaches out to cup her daughter’s cheeks, “You look tired. Have you lost weight? You never eat enough”-

“She’s sick,” Ruby blurts, and Blake feels too tired to shoot her a glare, “She has a temperature, but she wouldn’t take any medicine…”

Ghira reaches the bottom of the stairs and Blake moves forward, despite her tiredness, to greet him with a hug.

“Oh, honey. Why didn’t you say so?” Her mother places a comforting arm on her daughter’s shoulder, before turning her to friends, “I prepared the guest room, it’s upstairs and to the right. You’ll all have to share, I’m afraid. Someone will need to sleep in Blake’s room.”

Her friends express their thanks and quickly excuse themselves, seeming to sense Blake’s reluctance to leave her parents just yet.

“Mom,” Blake doesn’t have to continue before her mother has wrapped her up in a hug.

“We want to hear about all of it, Blake,” her mother tells her, “But for now, we’re just happy to have you home.”

Blake buries her head deeper into her mother’s shoulder, “I missed you.”

Kali peels her daughter off her, “Go and get some rest. I’ll bring you some tea in a little while.”

 

* * *

 

_It wasn’t like there was a single thing that he did that Blake could point at and label as abuse. It started small - he’d tease her about being too sensitive and thinking too much about things. He insisted on keeping her close, persuading her that if she loved him, she would want to be around him all the time, too. He’d criticise her parent’s protectiveness and call her childish for listening to them. He’d make fun of her clumsiness, slowly convincing her of her inferiority. If they disagreed on the next course of action, he’d starve her off affection and ignore her until she apologised. She was so determined to impress him and to show him that she was grown up that in the end, it was Blake who isolated herself for him._

_Any possible gripes that she’d had with their relationship seemed silly and small. If she’d raised them, Adam would show concern for her as he convinced her that her perception of reality was skewed. Everything he did could be excused. Any punishment he dished out was deserved. He was her mentor, of course he’d her. He was training her. It made sense that he hit her. If he hurt her, it was for her own good – a learning curve. An exercise. If she were better, he wouldn’t have to hurt her._

 

* * *

 

 

When she wakes up, it’s dark. Blake pulls herself up into a sitting position, ignoring the aching of her bones. She can hear Yang’s soft snores from the other side of the room. She eyes up the glass of water – that definitely wasn’t there before. Her eyes fall on the sandwich shaped tinfoil – nether was that. Her stomach lurches at the thought of food.

Blake pushes herself up off the bed, stumbling a little but catching herself in time. She makes it into the ensuite and to her knees in front of the toilet just in time.

“Blake?” There’s a light knock on the door, “I’m coming in, okay?”

She’s grateful that Yang doesn’t say anything like “I told you that you were sick!” as she crouches on the floor beside her, reaching over to rub her back.

“I think I’m done,” Blake says, after a while.

“Okay,” Yang pushes herself up, reaching over to flush the toilet before offering her hands to Blake to help her up. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

Once she’s sitting on her bed again, Yang hands her the glass of water from the nightstand.

“Small sips,” Yang says, firmly. “I’m going to see if there’s a trashcan or something that we can keep by the bed in case you need to throw up again.”

“Thanks,” Blake sips the water, obediently, as Yang disappears from the room. She sits the glass of water down, feeling depilated of all her energy. She lowers herself back into the comfort of her bed, shivering at how cold it feels now that she’s left it.

 

* * *

 

 

_There were never any apologies, not in words anyway. He said it in the way that he’d cradle her after, in the treats he’d buy her afterwards and presents that she’d find on her bed._

_Blake knew he was sorry – or maybe she just hoped that he was. Adam never offered any excuses, and Blake found herself making them for him. He’s tired, he’s hungry, he’s stressed, he’s hurting…_

_Sometimes, Blake wondered why she was never allowed to be any of those things._

* * *

 

 

She can feel his hands all over her body. The room is dark and she tries to breathe but her lungs burn. Her mind races and she feels the familiar urge to run but her body feels too heavy and tired. She pulls her legs up to her chest, trying to make herself as small as possible. The sound of her heart pounding is so loud and erratic, it makes her head hurt.

“It’s okay, honey, I’m here,” The voice is soft and familiar, but she knows she can’t trust it. She isn’t safe. This is another trick of his. Blake shuts her eyes tight as she waits for the inevitable strike, but it doesn’t come. She flinches as a hand strokes her hair. She waits for the hand to grab, to pull her onto her knees but it doesn’t happen and she doesn’t understand why-

“Blake,” the voice sounds sad, “Honey, you’re safe. It’s just me.”

Blake wraps her arms around herself tighter. The voice continues soothe her, and Blake starts to relax into the touch of the fingers running through her hair. It’s just like her mom used to do when she was little and she had a nightmare-

Blake takes a deep, shaky breath before she risks taking a peek. When she opens her eyes, her vision is blurry and it takes a few blinks for her to make out the face in front of her.

“Mom,” Blake mumbles, and she reaches out for her before she can stop herself. “What happened?”

Kali brushes the hair out of her daughter’s face, “You had a bad dream, but it’s okay now.”

“Sorry,” she mumbles, “I didn’t mean to”-

Kali pulls her daughter into a hug. Blake peers over her shoulder, noticing for the first time that the futon her mother had laid out Yang is empty and made, “Where-”

“They’re just eating some lunch downstairs,” Kali tells her, before she can finish her sentence, “Don’t worry.”

With that, Blake allows herself to sink into the hug.

 

* * *

 

 

_Somewhere along the way, his hand on her leg stopped being comforting and became painful, as his nails dug into her flesh. His kisses became quick, forceful, and it never seemed to be about what she wanted anymore. Her days with the White Fang blended into one as everything became about him and keeping him happy. He didn’t like it when she spoke to anybody, especially other men, so she stopped talking altogether._

 

* * *

 

 

When she wakes up again, Ruby is sitting on Yang’s bed with a book in her hands.

“Ruby?” Blake frowns. She tries to ask where Yang is, but all she can get out is a mumble. Ruby seems to understand, though.

“Oh! You’re awake! That’s good. I was just wondering if I should…” Ruby trails off, “Uh, Yang is in the shower. Why? Do you feel sick again? I can get her- oh wait, she left a trashcan-”

“M’okay, ” Why does speaking seem so difficult? “Tired.”

“I’m not surprised, you haven’t slept for very long,” Ruby informs her, setting the book down, “Yang says you’ve been waking every hour or so.”

“Have I?” Blake tries to remember, but besides getting up to throw up, she can’t remember much. She vaguely remembers hugging her mother, but she could have dreamed it.

“Yeah,” Ruby nods, clambering off the bed and moving closer to Blake, reaching to feel her forehead, “Do you think you can keep down some medicine?”

“No medicine,” Blake mutters, shutting her eyes again. Ruby starts to protest, but Blake feigns sleep until she drifts off again.

 

* * *

 

_Sex was the only time she could feel safe with him. She would kiss him until his anger melted away, and as it did, she’d allow him to lead her to his bed. Her anxiety and fear would disappear – he would never hurt her here. And there was a safety period afterwards – he’d fall asleep beside her and she’d marvel at how peaceful and calm he looked._

_It didn’t stay that way. Those moments between them got less and far in between as the war progressed and Adam continued to climb the ranks of the White Fang. Sex became less of a safe haven as Adam would no longer take his time with her, and Blake’s anxiety would quickly return as soon as it was over as she tried to figure out when the next hit would come. It was no longer a guaranteed safe zone._

 

 

* * *

 

Blake wakes up to hands around her neck. She manages a few gasps, but the hands are pressing on her throat and she can’t breathe. She reaches up to pry them away, even though it’s useless, but she finds that there is nothing on her neck. She tries to breathe deeper, but it burns.

She isn’t safe here. She isn’t safe anywhere. He could be here. He could be anywhere. It’s not safe. What if he finds her? She can’t let that happen. She can’t let _that_ happen to her again. The covers feel heavy and weighted, but she manages to shrug them off and free herself. She needs to escape. She needs to run. She needs to-

She crashes against the floor as her foot catches between the mattress and the bedframe, somehow. She gasps out loud as the sharp pain in her foot breaks her out of her panic.

I’m home. This is my room. Adam isn’t here. Adam is dead. Blake repeats it to herself as a mantra, as she clutches her foot and breathes through the pain.

Of course, Weiss chooses this moment to walk in.

“Blake? Are you okay? Why are you on the floor?”

Blake groans, but she doesn’t make any move to get up, “It wasn’t on purpose.”

Weiss offers her hand which Blake thinks about declining, but ultimately, she decides that she probably doesn’t have enough energy to pull herself up. Weiss helps her back into her bed.

“What on earth were you doing?” She asks her, but Blake is too embarrassed to admit what happened, so she pretends not to hear and just wraps herself up in her duvet. She hears Weiss sigh. “Well, if you’re awake maybe you’ll finally take some medicine”-

Her bedroom door opens, and Ruby’s voice fills the room, “Hey, what was the thud?”

There’s another fair of footsteps from behind Ruby. “Blake? Are you okay?”

“She was on the floor when I came in,” Weiss informs their teammates. Blake lets out a loud groan. _Traitor._ “I was about to tell her that this will be over a lot faster if she just takes some medicine already”-

“No,” Blake rolls over to face the wall.

“Why are you being so stubborn?” She can hear the frustration in Weiss’ voice.

“I don’t like medicine,” Blake mumbles, in response.

“Nobody like medicine!” She can tell that Weiss is rolling her eyes, “Don’t be a baby.”

Blake flinches and pulls the duvet over her head. Someone sits down on the bed beside her.

“Blake?” Yang moves to put her arm on her shoulder. Blake flinches and jerks out of reach.

“Don’t make me,” Blake’s voice is just a whisper.

Nobody says anything for a moment.

Yang stands up, “All right. Everybody out.”

Her teammates start to protest, but Yang ushers them out. She hears them voicing their complaints out in the hallway.

 

* * *

 

_He didn’t drink often. Being underage, neither did she. But sometimes, after particularly tough missions, the White Fang members would gather in bars or drink around their camp for the night. If Blake had found Adam’s behaviour challenging when he was sober, then she loathed it when he had been drinking._

_It wasn’t that he would get drunk; Adam never seemed to not be in control of himself. She’d never seen him drink more than a few, but that wouldn’t stop him from ordering Blake to drink more. He would tilt her glass up higher whenever she took a sip, forcing her to drink more, order her to drink up as he ordered her another drink. He knew that she hated it – knew that she hated the feeling of being drunk and hated the way it made her head feel foggy and her movements slow._

_It wasn’t like she could be mad at him. She would drink what he passed to her. Even if it was only in the hopes of forgetting what she knew would inevitably come later in the evening, when Adam would lead her back to his room._

 

* * *

 

 

It’s a while before the door opens again.

Blake doesn’t come out from under duvet, she keeps her eyes tightly shut and pulls her knees up a little further. Someone sits down on the bed across from her.

“I hate it when you do that.”

Yang’s voice sounds different. Sad, almost. Blake contemplates coming out from under the duvet but it seems like too much work.

“Sorry,” she says, automatically, although she isn’t quite sure what she’s apologising for exactly. Yang just sighs in response. Blake expects her to come to her, but when her bed doesn’t dip down, she assumes that Yang has sat down on her own bed this time.

“I brought you some tea,” Yang says, somewhat awkwardly, “I didn’t try it, so I’m not sure how it tastes, but I heard that ginger is good for nausea and if you don’t want to take medicine then maybe this will help and also there are some crackers just in case you get hungry-”

Blake pokes her head out from underneath the duvet, cutting off Yang’s rambling. She offers her a small smile, “Thanks, Yang.”

Blake pulls herself into a sitting position and reaches for a cracker. She nibbles on it, slowly. Yang leans over and grabs one too. They eat their crackers in silence – Yang finishing much faster than Blake. Blake waits for the questions, but it doesn’t come. Yang pulls out her scroll to watch a video, but she keeps the volume low.

“Yang?” Blake asks, finally. “Why – aren’t you going to-?”

“Ask you about it?” Yang says, her eyes flick to Blake for a moment before going back to her scroll. “Do you want me to?”

Blake pauses, thinking about it for a moment. She shakes her head.

“Then I won’t,” Yang resolves, “You don’t have to tell me or the others anything that you don’t want to.”

Blake feels her shoulders relax as she settles further into her bed. She finishes her cracker and reaches to take a sip of the tea.

 

* * *

 

 

_She remembered the strangest things about his abuse; what music was playing or what smell was in the air or the patterns on the wallpaper in their hotel room. Maybe it was a good thing if she couldn’t remember; but Blake knew that she did, to some extent. If she tried, she could retrace what had happened, but she figured it was better not to analyse it too much. And even if she didn’t quite remember; her subconscious did._

 

* * *

 

 

There are hands around her neck again and when she opens her eyes, all she can see is him. She screams – or at least, tries to. His fingers press into her neck, his nails digging into her skin and her eyes fly shut again.

_Let me die, please just let me die, let it be quick, please –_

There’s yelling from somewhere, but she can’t understand it. She tries to scream again as her whole body is shaken.

“Open your eyes,” he commands, but she shakes her head. She feels one hand move further down her body and she thrashes against him, trying to break free, but he keeps a firm grip-

“Blake, open your eyes!”

_No! Don’t! Don’t touch me –_

His hand cups her face and she whimpers-

“- come on, Blake, wake up!”

With his hands no longer on his neck, she sucks in a breath. Unwillingly, her eyes fly open as she chokes on the air –

“-it’s okay, you’re okay.”

The light in her room is too bright. She blinks a few times before she can take in the person in front of her – Yang. Not him. Not Adam.

“Yang,” Blake whispers, and reaches out to her. Yang meets her halfway, wrapping her arms around her.

“It was just a bad dream, you’re okay,” Yang soothes, “I’ve got you.”

Blake almost buries her head in her shoulder, but she catches something – someone – in the corner of her eye. With a start, she realises that Ruby and Weiss are watching her, standing just behind Yang and still wearing their pyjamas. Her mother, too, is hovering in the doorway.

“What…why is everyone here?” Blake stills, and Yang moves back. The room is quiet. She’s alarmed by the expressions on her teammates faces – it’s like something dreadful has happened. “Did something happen?”

“You were screaming in your sleep, Blake,” Yang’s voice sounds different – thicker, like she’s trying her best to keep her emotions in. “You have been…ever since we got here.”

Blake feels her stomach drop and the ears on her head flatten.

“Oh,” She isn’t sure what to say.  She tries to think back, but things have been blurry since they got Menagerie. She doesn’t really remember much, beyond waking up to go to the bathroom or eat some crackers before falling asleep again. How long have they been here? How long has she been keeping her teammates awake? “I’m so-”

“Don’t apologise,” Weiss interrupts her, but that kind of just makes her want to apologise more for all the hassle that she’s caused. Ruby kneels down in front of her and takes one of Blake’s hands and squeezes it.

“It’s okay,” Ruby tells her, “Everyone gets bad dreams when they have a fever.”

It’s worse that they’re being nice to her, somehow. Blake nods her head, to show that hse’s listening, but she doesn’t trust herself to speak. Yang moves from the floor to sit beside her on the bed and reaches over to feel her forehead.

“You don’t feel as warm anymore,” She tells her, “So that’s good, I think your fever’s coming down. How do you feel?”

“Fi- tired,” Blake admits, once Yang narrows her eyes at her.

“Do you feel sick?” Yang asks her, to which Blake shakes her head.

“Would you like some more tea?” Ruby asks her, and Blake nods her head – mainly in the hopes that it will get some of them to leave so there isn’t so much attention on her anymore.

“I’ll get it,” Kali speaks from the first time, from the doorway. Blake looks up to watch her mother leave and tries to swallow down the lump in her throat. She quickly looks back down, reluctant to meet the eyes of her teammates in case they see the tears that are threatening to fall.

“Let me help,” Ruby gives Blake’s hand another squeeze before standing up and following Kali out of the room. She grabs Weiss by the hand on her way out and pulls her from the room, leaving Blake and Yang alone.

“Hey,” Yang bumps their shoulders together, and Blake is grateful that Yang doesn’t say anything about the tears that spill out onto her cheeks, “If you don’t feel like talking, that’s okay. You want to watch a movie?”

Blake nods, and Yang gets up to grab her scroll and her earphones. She pauses before she sits back down on Blake’s bed.

“Is it okay if I-“

Blake cuts her off by reaching for her arm and tugging her in into her bed. Yang huffs out a laugh and obliges. Blake moves up, closer to the wall, as Yang slides in beside her. It’s a tight fit, but neither of them mind.

“Any preferences?” Yang asks her, but Blake just shrugs. Yang offers her an earbud, “I hope you realise you’ve just given up all rights to complain about whatever I choose.”

Blake accepts the earbud. The wire pulls uncomfortably, so she shuffles closer, closing the distance between them. It takes a bit of manoeuvring for them both to be comfortable, but it’s worth it. Yang starts the movie.

By the time Ruby and Weiss come in with the tea, Blake’s already asleep again – curled up in Yang’s side.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m so happy you have friends that care about you so much,” Kali says, as Blake bites into her toast. She’d woken up early, feeling much more like herself. She’d pried herself out of Yang’s arms – something she was not going to even begin to unpack – and gone downstairs in search of breakfast. It wasn’t surprising that her mother was already in the kitchen – she’d always been an early riser.

She’d expected her mother to fuss over her and bombard her with questions – so she was surprised when the only question she’d asked was what kind of jam she wanted on her toast. Blake felt ravenous, but she knew it would be too much if she ate everything else.

“Me too,” Blake swallows her toast before answering, “They’re great.”

“They asked me so much about you,” Kali continues, “That Ruby girl reminds me of you, in a way. You were a little chatterbox when you were little; it wasn’t until you got older that you started to get more…reserved.”

She stills, wondering if this is her mother’s attempt at a segue into more serious things – but when nothing follows it, she resumes chewing her toast.

“I just hope you didn’t get the photo album out,” Blake says, eventually pretending to sound threatening, in attempt to lighten the mood.

“Of course not. I wouldn’t embarrass you like that,” Kali laughs, “Your father, however…well, he just wants everyone to know how cute you are.”

“Please tell me he didn’t,” Blake puts her down her toast, mortified.

“I made sure he only showed the good ones,” Kali says, quickly.

“Mom,” Blake groaned, but she can’t quite keep the smile off her face.

She had been dreading the moment that her mother asked for the story of what happened after she’d left her parents in Haven – but now that it didn’t seem like it was coming anytime soon, she felt – almost hurt. She knew her mother cared and would want to know – so why wasn’t she asking her about it? Didn’t she want to know?

They’d fallen back into idle chatter as they finished their toast – but it felt wrong. Before everything – she and her parents had always been close. Almost unbearably so. Her mom in particular knew everything about her life – about her friends, her crushes and any childish arguments or disagreements or embarrassing things that had happened to her. But it occurred to her, all of a sudden, that there was so much about her that her mother no longer knew. She watches as her mother gathers up the plates, in the same way she always used to do before she’d get up to take them into the kitchen -

She realises that perhaps, Kali doesn’t feel as if she has the right to ask anymore.

“Hey, Mom,” Blake asks, suddenly, and her mother stills. “Can I…Can I tell you about what happened?”

Kali sits the small pile of plates back down on the table, seeming to decide that they can wait – which is even more unlike her.

“Of course,” Kali tells her, “You don’t have to ask.”

The words don’t come right away, but Kali is patient. She waits without saying another word until Blake is ready to speak.

“I apologised to dad before,” Blake whispers, “but not to you. I’m so sorry – I was – I should have listened to you and dad. You were right about everything. But I was so – so stupid and naïve and I wanted – to believe him – and now – he’s - Adam’s _dead._ ”

Kali reaches for Blake’s hand, and the story comes tumbling out of Blake’s mouth.

 

* * *

 

 

After the long conversation with her mother, Blake returns to her room.

“Blake?” Yang mumbles, sleepily, from Blake’s bed, “You good?”

“Yeah,” Blake sits down across from Yang, who has propped herself up on her forearm. She rubs her eyes and stifles a yawn. Yang runs her hand through her long curls and peers over at Blake.

“Are you sure?” Yang asks her, a frown forming on her face, “You don’t look so good.”

“Oh,” Blake huffs out a laugh, realising that her eyes are probably red from all the crying, “Yeah. I just – I spoke to my mom.”

“How did that go?” Yang sits up, instantly looking more awake and alert.

“Good…I told her a lot,” Blake continues, “About everything that’s happened since I last saw her and also – some stuff from before. Stuff about…about Adam.”

Yang nods in understanding, “That must have been difficult. How do you feel?”

“Weird,” Blake admits. “I’ve imagined telling her so many times, but I didn’t think would ever be able to. I thought if I could just tell her the truth and explain, we’d both hug it out and cry and…I don’t know.”

“And everything would be magically better?” Yang asks, quietly. It occurs to Blake that Yang has probably imagined the same thing kind of conversation with her own mother. She nods, offering her partner a sad smile. Yang motions for Blake to continue.

“It was supposed to be pivotal moment that fixed everything, somehow,” Blake says, slowly, “But I’m still…me. Nothing’s changed.”

Yang shakes her head, “I don’t think that’s true. What you just did was a huge step forward, Blake.”

Embarrassed, Blake avoids her eyes, “But…I didn’t tell her everything. Some things I left out because…I don’t know. I just felt like it would hurt her too much.”

“You wanted to protect her, right? So you left out some of the things that would be hard for her to hear?” Yang asks, and Blake nods, “And probably, part of you was still trying to protect yourself, too.”

Blake wants to protest, but she knows what Yang is saying is true. She was protecting herself. She’s still a coward –

She’s interrupted from silently berating herself when Yang speaks again, “Hey, can I tell you something? Something that I realised when…when we were apart?”

That gets Blake’s attention – she looks up at her partner, but Yang isn’t looking at her anymore.

“You can’t recover from this with just one conversation,” Yang says, softly. “That’s not how it works. I’m not saying that I’m the epitome of healthy coping strategies or that I’m not still bothered about all of what’s happened with my mom, or with my arm – but I feel a lot better about all of that than I used to and…getting there took several conversations. And not all of them were positive ones. Some of those conversations were just me yelling and screaming and crying. There are too many feelings there to let them out in one go. You tell different people different things about it, as and when you’re comfortable talking about them or when they come up. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to talk about all of it, who you tell it to or whether or not it’s completely coherent, it just matters that, one way or another, you do talk about it.”

They sit in silence for a few moments, as Blake tries to absorb all of the words.

“I was afraid that it was too late,” Blake admits, eventually. “That I missed my chance to ever talk about any of it because for so long I just – didn’t. The first time Adam…lashed out – I was still living with my parents. I wanted to tell my mom so badly – but when I got home, they were laughing and joking and I thought – I can’t ruin this. So, I went to bed. And the next day I thought…I’ll tell her now. But when I tried to, I just thought…why didn’t you tell her last night? It’s too late now. You’re being dramatic. It’s not that bad. If it was that bad, you’d have told her already. I kept looking for opportunities to bring it up…but then I’d just end up convincing myself that it was already too late. That nobody would believe me now, so I just – didn’t say anything. For so long. To anyone. And it just became this big, horrible secret that I had to keep – carrying around with me -”

Blake cuts herself off with a sniff. She wipes her eyes but regrets it – the skin is already red and raw from crying so much earlier.

“It wasn’t your secret to keep,” Yang says, softly. “It was his, Blake. He had this horrible secret, the secret of what he was really like. He pushed it onto you and tried to make it yours. But he doesn’t deserve for people to _not_ know just how shitty a person he was, and _you_ don’t deserve the burden of keeping everything he did to yourself. You deserve to talk about it, to feel whatever it is you have to feel about it...and, when you’re ready, you deserve to move on from it.”

It seems impossible, that she would ever truly be able to put it behind her – but the confidence and sureness in Yang’s voice moves her in a way she can’t explain. She shuts her eyes and, for the first time, dares to imagine a future – just for a moment – with all of this behind her.

 

* * *

 

 

Slowly, she starts to talk about it. At first, it’s just little bits and pieces – one night, they find themselves roasting things over a campfire and, when Ruby Weiss are distracted over what to roast next (Ruby wants to try roasting a cookie but Weiss says it’s stupid because the chocolate chips will just melt everywhere), she tells Yang that she mostly ate roasted sweet potatoes on the road. Another time, she admits to Weiss that she’d broken into a fair number of hotels owned by her father just to use the shower and steal some of the amenities, which made Weiss laugh. She told Ruby about one of her earlier missions, before the White Fang’s corruption, to free some faunus from the mines – and Ruby has listened with wide eyes, as if she were a child listening to a story about a superhero.

When she starts talking, it’s hard to stop. Not that she really wants to. Her teammates encourage her – and they even start to share some stories of their own. Ruby and Yang mostly tell her stories that involve the other doing something embarrassing, dangerous or silly - but sometimes they get serious. In private, Yang talks to her about how hard it was to keep things together for Ruby when they were younger. Ruby reveals to her that she remembers more than Yang probably thinks she does and tells her about it sometimes. Weiss’ stories involve staff members more than her family members, something that makes Blake’s heart hurt.

It doesn’t exactly get easier to talk about her past with her teammates – but it pays off in ways that she didn’t expect. The newfound communication between all of them helps them to uncover triggers and sensitives they didn’t know about each other – it leads to less bickering, more patience and an even deeper sense of closeness.

 

* * *

 

 

“Once,” Blake says, while she and Weiss are on washing up duty, “he slipped something into my drink to ‘relax’ me.”

There’s a clatter as Weiss drops the cup she’s drying, but thankfully the clash with the counter isn’t hard enough to shatter it.

“It just,” Blake pauses to consider her words before continuing, “It…made it easier for him to take what he wanted. Afterwards, I was really angry. I confronted him, but he just laughed it off like what he did was nothing.”

Blake holds out the next dish, unable to make herself meet Weiss’ eyes, “I don’t ever want to not be in control of myself like that ever again… so I haven’t taken any kind of medication since then.”

“Blake - I had no idea,” Weiss turns to her to take the dish, but Blake keeps going.

“I’m sorry,” Blake continues, “I know that I need to start communicating things better.”

Weiss turns back to face the counter, “Thank you for telling me. You don’t have to apologise, though.”

They continue in silence for a while.

“You’ve kept so much from us,” Weiss says, though it doesn’t sound accusatory. Weiss sounds sad, more than anything.

“All that you’ve told us about your father,” Blake says, slowly, “That’s only a fraction of all there is to unpack there, right?”

Weiss places down the now dry dish and accepts another. Blake lets out the water in the sink, watching it drain away.

“I guess that I do understand.”

Blake offers her a small smile. The air between them is much clearer.

 

* * *

 

 

“It’s nice to be back here,” Blake says, taking another sip of her iced tea. Across from her, Ruby chews on a chocolate chip cookie. They’re sitting outside of a small café, away from the busy marketplace where they’d found themselves separated from Yang and Weiss. Blake had found herself starting to panic, so Ruby had promptly steered her away from the crowds and used her scroll to inform Yang where they were going.

“But?” Ruby prompts, and Blake blinks, momentarily taken back at Ruby’s perceptiveness.

“It’s a lot,” Blake admits, eventually. “There are reminders, everywhere.”

“Right,” Ruby nods, “I can understand that. It probably doesn’t help that everybody here knows who you are.”

Blake nods, stirring her iced tea with her straw, “I liked the attention when I was younger, but now it just feels awkward.”

Ruby gives her a sympathetic smile, “They just want to say thank you. You gave them the courage and strength to stand up to the White Fang and gave the leadership over to the right kind of people. You saved them.”

“They have nothing to thank me for,” Blake stabs the ice in her cup with her straw, “I helped the White Fang grow to that point. I’m responsible for what happened here.”

“It isn’t all on you, Blake,” Ruby tells her, firmly. “You weren’t the one giving orders.”

“I followed them,” Blake points out. “I ignored my instincts and did what I was told. I let them… _him_ use me as a weapon for so many horrible things.”

“And if you hadn’t,” Ruby shoots back, “Adam probably would have killed you.”

Blake flinches at the mention of his name, but Ruby doesn’t back down.

“Blake,” She tries again, “He manipulated you. You were so young. What he did to you wasn’t right. It was abusive-”

“That seems…extreme,” Blake avoids Ruby’s piercing eyes.

“Is it, though?” Ruby asks. Blake doesn’t answer, but Ruby doesn’t push her. She waits with uncharacteristic patience until Blake can sort through her thoughts.

“I loved him,” Blake hates how pathetic she sounds, “and he – was supposed to love me, too. He said he did, but how he was… I don’t think that’s how love is supposed to be.”

Ruby reaches across the table, offering her hand to Blake. She hesitates only for the briefest of moments before reaching across to take it.

“I know you’re right,” Blake admits, “I just don’t want you to be.”

Ruby squeezes her hand in response, “Sorry.”

“Some of the things he did…I wish I could talk about them and then just…erase the memory, of whoever I tell. That way, I could get it out but then not have to deal with any of the consequences.”

There’s a pause.

“You could tell me and then hit me really hard so that I forget,” Ruby offers, “Or buy Yang a lot of strawberry sunrises and tell her about it. Or wait until bed time and tell Weiss…she always seems to fall asleep whenever I try to have late night conversations with her.”

Blake huffs out a laugh, in spite of herself. She squeezes Ruby’s hand in thanks.

“What do you mean by consequences?” Ruby asks, after a while.

“I don’t know,” Blake says, pulling her hand back. She begins to fiddle with the straw in her drink again.

“I think you do,” Ruby says, “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be worried about it.”

“I don’t want anything to change,” Blake whispers, “and it would. We’re finally in a place where things are ok between us.”

“Things between you and Yang, you mean,” Ruby says, which gets Blake to look up. “What? I’m not _blind_.”

Before the fall of Beacon, she thought that if she were going to tell anybody about her relationship with Adam, it would be Yang. But after she lost her arm – she felt too afraid to. Like Yang would hear some of her stories and be angry with her for ignoring all of the warning signs. That she’d blame her for not leaving sooner or for getting involved with Adam in the first place – if she had, maybe things would have panned out differently. Maybe Yang would have kept her arm-

“She’ll understand,” Ruby interrupts her thoughts, “She’s understood everything you’ve told her so far, right?”

As if on que, they hear the voices of their missing teammates as they make their way down the narrow side street.

“- it’s just down here, apparently-” Yang is saying.

Ruby gives Blake a look, one that she knows means that this conversation will be continued another time.

* * *

 

 

She finds herself sitting out on the balcony with her mom, looking at the stars.  They did this a lot when she was little, and it’s something that they silently agreed, somehow, to start doing again. Sometimes they sit in silence, with no need for words, and other times, neither of them quite knows how to stop talking.

“Can you do something for me?” Kali whispers, suddenly, and Blake nods before she can even continue, “Please do not let what that horrible man did to you hold you back any more than he already has.”

Blake immediately tenses, as she always does when he is brought up in conversation – no matter what the context is.

“I want you to be happy,” Kali continues, “And that girl in there – Yang - she looks at you like you are everything to her. And I think – that you look at her the same way.”

Blake feels her face go red and she opens her mouth to protest. Her mother raises her eyebrow at her, and Blake closes it again.

“I…I don’t know if I can do that,” Blake admits.

Kali wraps her arm around her, pulling her daughter into a hug.

“Just try.”

 

* * *

 

 

A little while later, Blake tries to tip toe into her room without waking anybody up. After the screaming in the middle of the night, Ruby and Weiss had moved their futons out of the guest room into Blake’s room which was nice, but made her room extremely crowded.

“Blake?” Yang whispers, her voice full of sleep, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Blake whispers, trying her best not to trip over the sprawled forms of their other two teammates, who are fast asleep. “I’m good.”

Eventually, Blake arrives at her bed – but she finds herself turning in the opposite direction, to where she knows Yang is laying, “Can I-?”

Yang moves up before Blake can ever finish her question, pushing down the covers so that Blake can slip into the small, single sized futon with her. Neither of them say anything, but it isn’t uncomfortable. They’re pressed together, shoulder to shoulder and their hands so close. After a while, Yang’s hand find hers. Blake finds herself holding her breath as Yang entwines their fingers.

“Hi,” Yang whispers, giving Blake’s hand a small squeeze.

“Hi,” Blake whispers back.

“Is this okay?” Yang asks, sounding almost like she’s out of breath.

Blake smiles, remembering what her mother said about Yang.

“Yes,” Blake says as she squeezes Yang’s hand back. “It’s more than okay.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive any spelling errors or canonical things that I have forgotten about or overlooked.  
> I am on tumblr! Please come and talk to me about the bees!  
> www.cinnarina.tumblr.com.


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